Bi Polar: A Personal Story

Bipolar Disorder

Those two words have changed my life. The reason is because for a long time, I wondered why I would act the way I do. I would be hyper one minute and crying hysterically the next. Throw in some teenage hormones and I was a wreck. I was sixteen years old and I went to my psychiatrist’s office and this was my diagnosis. They pumped me full of pills that made me feel like a zombie and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t feel happy or sad. The medication did nothing to turn my brain off at night. You know that to-do list you do in your head at night? Imagine in a matter of a minute, that to-do list could turn into literally thousands of different thoughts.

Symptoms In Three Parts

Bipolar symptoms include mood swings that can vary in a second. You can go from severely depressed to very happy in a matter of minutes.

Mania symptoms include excessive happiness, restlessness, increased energy, racing thoughts, very high excitement, and insomnia.

Depression symptoms, or the lows as I call them, include depression, lost of interest, lost of appetite, sadness, hysterically crying, sleeping all of the time, anxiety, and thoughts of self harm and suicide.


Before the medication, any time I’d get a little money, I’ve have it spent in less than 24 hours and most of it on stuff I didn’t need. At the time, I was angry at my parents for seeing my spending habits and putting a lock on my bank account. My father took the brunt of my bi polar lows. At the time, he aggravated me and irritated me just for looking at me a certain way. We are two peas in a pod; both stubborn and we both like getting our way. I clashed most with him because of this character trait we share.

There are times when I’d laugh hysterically over absolutely nothing. I couldn’t tell you how many times I was called to the principal’s office because the teachers had believed I was high on drugs. That was the worst feeling in the world; being a teenager against drugs and being accused of doing them.

When I was diagnosed, there was no ‘type’ of bipolar disorder. Now I know that I have mixed bipolar. This is a type of bipolar that moods can be manic and moods that could be depressive. I can experience both of these in a matter of minutes. When this happens, it usually results in a migraine.

How I Overcame The Worst Of It

Fast forwarding five years, it doesn’t seem like it’s been that long since I’ve had my worst major depression outbreak. I’ve grown up in more ways than one. I no longer bottle my feelings up. That might have been my downfall into depression. I have found inner peace in myself. I don’t have to rely on medication anymore to make me stop feeling. Once a week, before bed, I do get the ‘highs’. If I switch on a sound machine, it tends to shorten the hyperactivity I have. I still have problems managing money. I’m cautious enough to never apply for a credit card because I know if I have one, I will be put into serious debt. Talking to my spouse who knows my battles with this disorder has helped me in so many ways. When I have money, he’s the first one to tell me to wait a week or two and see if I still want the object I want to buy. In all honesty, the medication I am currently taking is love and understanding. Not only is it free, but I can feel however I want to feel and that itself is the greatest medication of all.

If you are currently on medication for any mental disorder, don’t stop taking your medication without consulting a doctor. If you’ve only been taking medication for a week, give it time to get into your system. I don't recommend ceasing your medication. My psychiatrist gradually stepped me down from using my medication.